The Weight Of Greg Grunberg's Role In The Force Awakens

Today is a BIG day for Star Wars: The Force Awakens news folks!  Lately we've been hearing a lot of discussion regarding actor Greg Grunberg's role in the new Star Wars film (and possible the entire new trilogy).  After the jump we have exclusive photos that not only reveal who Grunberg plays in the film, but also confirm that two of your least favorite and forgettable characters are also returning!

The proof is in the pudding just how much it can pay off if you were the kid that kept J.J. Abrams dirty secret it can payoff in being rewarded in an entire career of roles you don't deserve.  Take a look at Greg Grunberg in Star Wars: The Force Awakens!

"Got any more blue milk and donuts?"

That's right, Grunburger's pudgy mass will be wedged into an X-Wing cockpit.  We don't write "wedged" by coincidence either.  You guessed it, he's playing Wedge Antilles' bastard son "Wedgie" (spoiler).  Originally he was going to play Porkins' offspring but after Greg whined daily to Abrams that his costume was riding up his endless crack, J.J. responded: "Well it looks like this role and your career aren't the only things I gave you, Wedgie!"  The crew had a good laugh and after quickly consulting George Lucas for permission, Grunberg's character was forever changed in the script.

"Red Leader frowning sigh"

We reached out to Wedge Antilles actor Dennis Lawson for his reaction earlier today and Lawson told us: "I don't f**king know who that round person is and I don't give a flying f**k!"

Did You Know: The circus is also where George Lucas first
tried to kidnap dwarves for the original Star Wars filming?

Grunberg's work on the film cost a minor budget increase when J.J. forced him into the cast.  Apparently none of the X-Wing pilots were designed to hold a man with Greg's poor BMI.  Costume designers worked with Cirque du Soleil engineers to design a reinforced circus tent ring and steel cable corset-like backing to help stretch the costume around Grunberger's mid-section.  Wedgie will only be shown from front angles in the film to avoid showing his heaping mess of squeezed back fat.  Talk about practical effects!

"I don't care who's friend he is, get him off my ship!"

However the most shocking news to come out of The Force Awakens camp last night is the fact that Greg Grunberg is responsible for Harrison Ford's leg injury.  Greg has three scenes piloting the Millennium Falcon in Star Wars: The Force Awakens (spoiler).  At the end of a take, Grunberg was standing on the ship's ramp, which gave way due to his considerable gravitational pull.  The ramp snapped up, breaking off from its hydraulic shafts.  Ford was standing directly under it posing for a photo in the Making Star Wars 2016 Calendar (on sale now!)  His knee was hit first and then his ankle was snapped in two.

An investigation by the British Police Services was launched immediately revealing that the set builders had done everything correct, but could never have predicted the weight of Grunberg in addition to how much craft service he had stuffed in his pockets. (Those jumpsuits have a ton of hiding spots!)  Findings from the official investigation were released yesterday on the popular Tea Time & Crime website.

Precautionary measures have been taken to ensure an incident
will not happen again during filming.

Needless to say I think we can all breathe a sigh or relief that Grunberg likely won't be ruining the beloved Indiana Jones franchise as it's rumored Harrison Ford has vowed to "whip the motherf**cking life out of that sad wreck of a man if I ever so much as see him or his s**tty acting anywhere near my set again."  Kudos, Mr. Ford, you have finally earned our respect.