The following exclusive report was
sent in by my cousin Bob Ross:
A mere 48 hours before D23,
the exclusive Star Wars: The Force
Awakens poster created by revered artist Drew Struzan was still a
work-in-progress.
Struzan’s original composition – a classic floating heads design featuring a mix of returning heroes and new faces amid a collage of twin suns, spaceships, and lens flares – was dismissed by the new creative director on the project,
none other than Harrison Ford.
According to Ford, Struzan’s
artwork missed the boat so much, he described it as something a
“blindfolded stormtrooper with a brush" would paint. "How the hell do you mess up this mug that badly -- he made me look like a f$@&ing caveman!" Things did not improve much after the opening shot by the actor, a
clear indication of a troubled project.
The Ford Artwork Group |
Struzan was floored by the sudden
change. His outrage was quickly tempered by several hundred thousand
dollars added to his fee for the commission. The money was still not enough
to save the artwork from becoming a blight on Struzan’s career and Han Solo’s
face.
Self-portrait of the artist as an old-frustrated-with-Ford man |
The Ford Artwork Group’s
first decision was an obvious one in hindsight. Ditch the collage of characters in favor of
a large poster featuring Han Solo. Here's what my
cousin claims Ford said repeatedly:
“My name is Solo…. that’s Spanish for Just Me on El Cover! Entiende, Drew?!”
Ford is no slouch in photoshop |
“That bird is way too old for me! Her daughter’s closer to my age, but we’ve gotta up the pretty on that one, nawmean.”
Not poster girl material, according to Ford |
Fortunately, after a
rough start, Struzan and Solo began to see old-man-eye-to-old-man-eye as they
collaborated on a new version of the poster. Struzan would focus on the trio of
new heroes in this composition. The intent was to show a literal balance of the
force, with the light side represented by Finn on the left, the dark side
embodied by Kylo Ren on the right, and our heroine Rey trapped in the middle –
a grey area.
Struzan and Ford’s
collective instincts were spot on in terms of story beats as one of the biggest
plot points in The Force Awakens involves a difficult decision Rey must make –
choose the light side or the dark side. Of course this didn't leave much room
for an older Han Solo – something the two gentlemen overlooked when
collaborating.
The literal balance of the force |
Struzan went back to working
alone. He thought long and hard (despite only having 48 hours) about how to
tastefully include Harrison Ford in the poster. His first Only-Solo attempt was
met with absolute fury by the Ford Artwork Group. Struzan placed a small
Millennium Falcon in the background of X-Wings below Finn. He argued that the
Falcon was synonymous with Han Solo.
Ford in the center left in the Millennium Falcon |
“Do I have a f*&%ing
satellite dish on my head, a*@hole?”
The artist’s second attempt
featured Han Solo’s ghostly face made up of stars in the background. It was
very subtle yet despite Struzan arguing the merits of connect-the-dots
as a design choice, the design also died.
“I need to look like I shit
– I mean shot first!”
The King... and Harrison Ford |
"Ain't Nothing But a Han Dog" |
Dramatic recreation |
Despite being happy with
Solo’s new pose, the Ford Artwork Group still wasn’t okay with the poster. They
felt Han Solo should be on the left hand side of the composition, since he is a
“good guy.”
“I’m the only A-list star in this entire production. Damn right I’m on the light side. Matter of fact, put a sun around me. I don’t care how many suns are on Jakkooine.”
Struzan complied, placing
Solo on the left-hand side in his Elvis pose with a bright sun near him. This
was still not enough to please the Ford Artwork Group. It appears size does
matter when it comes to Han Solo.
“I want to look bigger than the Jackie Robinson Jedi.”
The finished "product" |
Struzan demanded his iconic
cursive ‘drew’ appear in the piece. The Ford Story Group lobbied for Harrison
Ford’s chicken scratch ‘solo#yolo’ to appear instead. They argued it spoke to
newer generations whereas cursive was a dying hobby for geezers.
Somehow Struzan pulled a Jedi Mind Trick on everyone by convincing Ford and company that the signature ‘drew’ could be interpreted as having ‘drawn’ first, and everyone knows that Han Solo drew first, since he shot first. What a cad, that Struzan!
Somehow Struzan pulled a Jedi Mind Trick on everyone by convincing Ford and company that the signature ‘drew’ could be interpreted as having ‘drawn’ first, and everyone knows that Han Solo drew first, since he shot first. What a cad, that Struzan!
After an 8-hour wait, the
Ford Artwork Group finally approved the poster design. I think it’s fair to say that
Drew Struzan did an outstanding job given Ford’s ridiculous demands. Let’s all
pray that his artwork committee does NOT have any say in the actual one-sheet
for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
Fun post-script: My cousin
Bob Ross mentions that during the 8-hour wait for approval, Struzan had nothing
to do… so he channeled his frustrations into very dark and funny versions of
the poster in question. And let's just say Solo is featured in poses unlike you've ever seem him before. Imagine the character amidst one or more of the following to get a better picture:
- Colostomy bag
- Adult diaper
- Miracle ear 2000
- Small crashed plane
- Crutches
- Flockhart bones
My cousin was able to
smuggle one piece of “lost” artwork from the trash at Drew Struzan’s home.
WARNING: IT IS
VERY OFFENSIVE!
FSW does not condone hate
speech or racism in any form. That said, Drew Struzan probably doesn’t either.
He was just so fed up with Harrison Ford and his demands that he started to
paint hateful things willy nilly. Oddly enough, in this hateful painting, Han
Solo remains untouched. Strange how the mind works. In any case, behold one of Drew
Struzan’s too-offensive-for-D23 poster below.
Drew: I should have stayed retired! |
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