Introducing Ask Sheev: A Weekly Advice Column by Darth Sidious!

Romance got you down? Dealing with an unruly boss or neighbor? Unsure whether white after Labor Day is acceptable? Have no fear, Ask Sheev is here! Faking Star Wars is proud to bring you a weekly advice column penned by The Galactic Emperor himself, Sheev Palpatine aka Darth Sidious. His Excellency will impart wisdom regarding matters of etiquette, romance, politics, pop culture, and more to help guide your pitiful life into dark side supremacy! Rest assured, your advice has been foreseen by Sheev, as has your clicking through to read his inaugural post. Do it! 

Exclusive Preview of What Will Be Revealed on 7/10 Regarding The Force Awakens

This just in!! Jacen's male prostitute cousin, who told us there wouldn't be a new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer this Friday during JJ's panel at San Diego Comic Con, has come back to reveal some more information of what will be revealed at the panel. See what they are after the jump and beware SPOILERS!!

Exclusive: Luke Skywalker at Center of Jedi Academy Ponzi Scheme

We’ve known Luke Skywalker would be in hiding for most of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. People have speculated the Jedi Master may be protecting a tomb, or being held hostage. Some fans even believe Luke has withdrawn from the world in order to ensure his own god-like powers are never used for evil. All of these theories have made for great fodder to bide the time, but none of them are accurate. At last, FSW has been given the green light to share a scoop we’ve been sitting on, and once and for all, explain Luke’s absence. 

Discover the real reason why the galaxy’s last Jedi Master is on the lam below.

UPDATE: SDCC Hall H Update: Maximum Security Awakens

With no official confirmation from Disney or Lucasfilm that a new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer will premiere at this week's San Diego Comic Con panel, we may have just unlocked a crucial piece of the puzzle and we don't think you are going to like it.

Top 10 Things in JJ Abrams' Mystery Box

Legendary cryptologist Benjamin Franklin Gates has cracked the code on yet another National Treasure on Independence Day -- JJ Abrams' Mystery Box! The expert historian discovered the director's box of secrets in a shallow grave outside Eerie, Indiana. After clearing the lid of partially decomposed Gungan bones, Gates dove into the enigmatic box. Hit the jump to see the top 10 things found inside JJ Abrams' Mystery Box. Spoiler alert: JJ's a really, really weird guy.

Spanx Unveils "Force Fit" Line of Body Slimmers in Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Ever wonder how JJ Abrams managed to get the original cast of Star Wars back into fighting shape for Episode VII? Fad diet? Tai-bo? Zumba? Nope! The director used an entirely practical special effect that required little to no effort on anyone's part. Abrams partnered with Spanx by Sara Blakely to create a custom line of innovative body slimmers for returning stars Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and several others. After the jump, we squeeze our source for every last detail.

The Sarlacc Monologues: Eve Ensler Writing New Lucasfilm Broadway Production

Inspired by the latest Mad Max film, which has been praised for its feminist ideals courtesy of Eve Ensler, Lucasfilm has announced plans for a theatrical production to debut on Broadway sometime in late 2016. Entitled The Sarlacc Monologues, the production will "explore diet and force-feeding from the perspective of a galaxy far, far, away", said a source close to Lucasfilm.

Plans for the first Star Wars-themed Broadway production are underway, and several key members of the production have described a few scenes. After the jump, check out our exclusive report regarding what is sure to be the next Broadway hit.